The Garden Expert

Harvest time

2008-08-26T03:05:00.001-07:00

I love this time of year all those days sitting in the wind and the rain cursing the English summer weather. When you want to be out tending the vegetable patch are forgotten about.

Its time to start enjoying the produces of my labour and as a bonus I get a welcome break from the long suffering. That said theirs a lot of work still to be done, all that harvesting and dead heading takes time.

The one good thing about the weather this year is that there’s a bumper crop. I’ve picked five bags full of runner beans already, the freezers stuffed full of the things, the onions are coming on a treat and I’ve never seen so many tomatoes in my life- I haven’t a clue what to do with them all.

The plums haven't turned out as nice this year as they have in previous years, but hopefully it won't affect the long sufferings plum jam she loves to make the stuff. Can't say I'm particularly fond of it but She does redeem herself with a rhubarb crumble to die for.

I won’t let her get her hands on my apples, I have a much better use for them. Me and my friend Tom make an amazing cider that’s full of flavour and will last right up until Christmas, the recipe was pasted down from my father and has been perfected over a number of years. The locals love the stuff.

Taking cuttings

2008-07-30T03:54:00.000-07:00

Summers here the grandchildren have destroyed my lawn and the next doors barbeque smoke is killing my sun flowers.

Oh how I love summer!

Anyway enough grumbling for now, I’ve got important work to do harvesting the cuttings for my next crop of plants and collecting the runner bean seeds for next year.

I always choose healthy, non-flowering new shoots from the shrub and take cuttings of about 3in long.

Then I prepare them by making a straight cut beneath a pair of leaves and then remove several sets of lower leaves, keeping only a couple of leaves at the tip of the cutting.

The next stage is to fill a pot with compost, level and firm. Insert several cuttings around the edge of a pot, keeping their leaves clear of the surface and water well. And then leave cover with a carrier bag and leave in the green house, simple and its saves a fortune.

I always collect the best runner beans to use the seeds for next year that way you get the best possible runner beans, the long suffering just thinks I am being tight.

Open garden

2008-07-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

Its mid way through summer already, not that you would realise it was summer with the weather we've be having.

I actually managed to get out in the garden the other day in between the rain and noticed that the plants in the garden, like most things in life when they get mid way through have began to run out of steam and need a bit of a boost.

Once they have completed that early flush of growth they really benefit from a good feed. I find that powder works best applied directly to the soil and then watered well to wash it down to the roots.

I want to try and get the garden looking its best for the weekend as the long suffering has signed us up for a blinking open garden thing, the last thing I really want is 300 people traipsing through the garden destroying my lawn and knocking over the flowers but the long suffering has insisted. And if I have to do it then it's got to look good, I am not going to let her up the road beat me to first prize.

Garden crime wave

2008-06-30T07:15:00.001-07:00

We got home from shopping the other day and were confronted by the local gossip and head of the neighbour hood watch.

She invited us to the next neighbour hood watch meeting, before I had a chance to make my excuses the long suffering had accepted and that was that.

The next day an agenda arrived through the door and top of the agenda was garden crime. That had me twitching so I thought I`d make the effort and attend.

I dually showed my face and listened on to PC Barry waffle on about sheds being broken into in the area and july being the busiest time nationally for garden crime. The yobs are even lifting sheds up from the ground to get in them.

Mrs Briggs the old lady from next door but one had her shed broken into at the weekend, they stole everything, all her husbands tools and even the garden ornaments they have been collecting since they wed. About £4,000 worth in all, worse luck the insurance company would only pay a maximum of £1,000.

Thats it I said to the long suffering I m digging the tent out from the atic and were camping in the garden in july, no yobbos going to steal my lawn mower.

Summers arrived

2008-06-16T02:36:00.001-07:00

I was out in the garden the other day taking advantage of the recent good weather. It`s been a long time coming and it probaly won`t last long so I thought I`d best make the most of it, putting in some much needed tlc to my vegetable patch.

The runner beans are shooting up now and it looks like I should have a good crop this year fingers crossed.

The strawberries have ripened up nicely so I picked a few for the long suffering before the slugs get them that will make her day a nice treat for tea time.
Another bit of good news, the tomato`s are starting to show signs of life after that blasted mutt knocked them all over. So all in all not a bad day in the garden.

Doggy Disaster

2008-06-02T04:39:00.001-07:00

The long suffering agreed to babysit her friend`s new puppy and guess who got lumbered with the flea ridden mutt as she went to the shops?

yep muggings here.

I was watching the mutt in the garden when the phone rang- when I returned the mutt was having a right old chew of my tomatos. Never seen anything like it in my life!! .

I tried to get him out of there quick but it was too late he had knocked four of them over splitting the stem right through.

I ve pinched out the end of the stems and, fingers crossed, there will be no lasting damage

A day at Chelsea.

2008-05-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

Last week I was reluctantly dragged to the Chelsea Flower Show by the long suffering. It's her little treat and once again she enjoyed her day out.

Me? Well if you think barging your way though hordes of yapping pseudo gardeners, paying a small mortgage for a cup of tea and a bun, looking at things that resemble film sets rather than somebody's back yard is fun ... then Chelseaq is for you.

The crowds are horrendous and the so-called "show" gardens are a million miles away from reality. I was just glad to get back to my veg pack - after I'd dragged the contents of numerous carrier bags across the flippin show!

I can't stand the place.

Back to reality, I spent the weekend in the garden - the first time for some weeks - and I decided to water my newly planted fruit trees, roses and shrubs regularly to help their root systems establish. I also gave them all a dose of Rootgrow - guaranteed to get them towering over the neighbours efforts!!

I also did some work weeding my borders and I stuck some young plants into pots and filled the old greenhouse. That'll give me the excuse to potter round the garden each evening - chcuk some water on my babies and have a couple of sneaky half pints in the shed whilst I'm at it.

Anyway - summer's almost here now - and I for one can't wait to get a bit of sun on my back.

The slowest but deadliest killer going.

2008-04-14T03:21:00.001-07:00

Its that time of year again when us gardeners resume battle with our enemy - yep I am talking about the pesky garden snail and his chum the slug.

I was about to protect my vegetables with the industrial strength snail killer I`ve been using for past few years when the long suffering reminded me of the incident with next doors cat last year (that's a story for another time).

So I've now been persuaded to join the bandwagon and go green. I've always been one for natural remedies - and so when it comes to slug duffing, I now have the perfect answer.

I use old beer!

The blighters can't resist the stuff - and its an excuse to crack open another bottle anyhow. So, I usually stick a drop of Spitfire into containers dug into my borders. You can usually rely on the silly beggars rushing out as soon as the beer is poured - and I always have a catch!

The only thing that breaks my heart though ... is the sheer waste of good ale.

I suppose its a small sacrifice though!

Still no sign of Spring

2008-03-18T09:41:00.000-07:00

It's supposed to be getting close to Spring - but what on earth is the matter with this weather? After the earthquake came the almost-hurricane thing that threatened to bend my garden in two last week!

That said, I've been out doing my bit - there's no shortage of jobs that need doing!

I've put in my carrots this weekend and even found time to pick a nice bunch of daffs for the Long Suffering - I've also got some crocus growing in the lawn and I'll wait until they produce some seed before cutting that area of grass. I also pruned the roses on Saturday so they're looking all spick and span -cutting out the old branches as close to ground level as possible.

Some of my fruit trees looked a bit hungry too - so I gave them a dash of high potash feed. Then I did a bit more work on the lawn and repaired a couple of damaged areas by loosening the soil and sowing some seed. I then covered the patch with a bit of polythene tapped down with a couple of pegs.

So, I suppose that they're all spring-ish jobs - but I want that sun on my back please!

That's that sorted!

2008-03-03T01:26:00.001-08:00

Those who know me know how much I enjoy my potatoes.

God's onw food I always say - and I have to say the Long Suffereing certainly knows how to prepare the best Jerseys I've ever tasted. So, in February and March I tend to sort out mt spuds for later in the year. I'm usually a bit later than most - but I find its always worked for me.

I normally get my chitting underway in late January (that simply means encouraging the seed potatoes to sprout before planting). The potatoes are then ready to be planted out when the shoots are 1.5-2.5cm (0.5-1in) long.

So, this weekend I've been out planting - the soil has started to warm up a bit by now I dug my trench about three inches deep, adding a dash of fertiliser before planting. I plant them about a foot apart with 18 inches between the rows. I always make sure the shoots are pointing upwards and careful not to break the shoots. After covering the potatoes lightly with soil I've now got to wait until the shoots appear before covering them with a ridge of soil so that the shoots are just buried.

Now all I have to do is sit and watch the little lovelies grow!

Poll crazy?

2008-02-18T00:42:00.001-08:00

The Long suffering threw me the paper this morning.

She pointed out an article about that DIY and Gardening company 3M. Apparently they'd done some survey which found out that two thirds of women said that a man's attitude to home improvement and gardening reflected their approach to sex.

She then asked me why my rake and two hoes were so small.

Dunno what the woman was on about.

And I told her so an' all.

I like my trees!

2008-01-29T00:16:00.001-08:00

As I write this article we are getting drowned on again!

I mean I know that we should be watering our gardens, and evergreen trees and shrubs until it freezes. But for goodness sake I'm wet through!!

Been looking at my trees today.

I've been pruning my elms and oaks and as my pines get older I think they are shedding more -a bit like yours truly to be honest!

With those strong winds last week, I had a load of damaged branches that needed to be cleaned up and removed. The problem is that breaks in the branches allows insect and disease to get into them. That's why the broken portions should be properly pruned to branch collars or other appropriate points.

Trees are important you know - and I don't think we take too much care of ours in this country. Certainly I seem to be surrounded by people who see a tree as an opportunity to take out their axes and chainsaws.

But look after your trees and they'll look after you!

I haven't gone away - I've just been cold!!

2008-01-23T23:31:00.001-08:00

Bunny problems are back!

Yep = those damned rabbits are back again. They might look pretty and cuddly but the pesky things are demolishing any new shoot as quickly as they appear.

It's the time of year when rabbits will have a go at almost anything, even plants they are not supposed to like.

Of course the only real cure is to fence and gate off the whole area but that means destroying the look of my dear old garden. I do put some small fences up to protect my special areas – they needn't be ugly but look OK if disguised in boundary hedges.

But I have found one solution to make the problem a little easier to bear.

Rabbit and sweet potato pie.

To paraphrase that turkey farmer - they're bootiful!

A mulching I have been

2008-01-07T06:33:00.001-08:00

I've been a mulching today!

I've mulched all my woody plants with around 3 inches of mulch - using the leaves and pine needles that fell in those strong winds last weekend.

Mulch, of course, helps to insulate the soil in case we get no snow and helps retain soil moisture.

I've also been bulb hunting and getting rid of the tender bulbs that I haven't already pulled. Most of them need to be dug once they’re hit by frost anyway.

I've also done a touch of planting - my garlic went in yesterday and I pulled out the frost-killed stuff and chucked that in the compost bin as well.

But it doesn't matter how busy I get in that garden - I can't wait for that sun on my back! Spring can't come fast enough for this kiddie!

Not my favourite time of year!

2008-01-03T01:38:00.001-08:00

I don't mind admitting it!

The Long Suffering gets on her high horse and tells me I've tucked into too much turkey and pud - and she then sticks me on one of these diet things. The belssed woman doesn't understand though. A shed is not just for keeping my tools in - I've got a nice cool store of pork pies and hobnobs in there that help keep the cold away.

So I've had reason enough to go down the garden - but I look at my lawn and sometimes wonder will it ever be back to its beautiful best?

That's why I always put a bit of time into the lawn.

I mow it frequently - that used to be just in the summer but now, of course, it grows at a rate of knots, meaning the old mower is out of hibernation earlier than ever. And whilst it will benefit from regular cutting, helping the growth of shoots it also takes a fair bit of goodness out. So, I always follow a good cut with a good feed.

And that means me as well as the old grass!

Gnome sweet gnome

2008-01-03T01:37:00.001-08:00

This flippin' awful weather is a real pain for somebody who likes to be out and about pottering.

So, I've taken the opportunity to do some gnome scrubbing this week. I've got a small collection of garden gnomes – not those horrid £4.99 plastic affairs but the proper article.

I also started reading a bit about them.

Did you know that the first appearance of a gnome in this country was in about 1840?

According to local myths gnomes are very lucky. It is documented in the 1870s that manufacture began on a large scale. Apparently they are meant to help around the house and garden, and in more isolated areas were meant to guard over produce and livestock.

Eventually, the European gnome creators became experts and masters of their work. During its most popular period a gnome factory in Griebel, Germany produced over 300 different characters.

The first gnomes were always characterised as gardeners carrying out daily country tasks, but this grew to fishermen, sportsmen, musicians and many more. Then they started to model ones from people still living out of clay or stoneware.

By the way, if you're thinking of selling your home, a study has concluded that a gnome in your front garden would lower the price of your house.

But who cares? They're happy. I'm happy - and she who must be obeyed is happy.

A cold 'un!

2007-11-16T07:35:00.000-08:00

By the left it's nippy out there!!

I've just come back in from a little session and I can hardly feel my fingers.

With winter well and truly on its way - another frost this morning, I decided to sort out a couple of fruit trees in the garden. You see I used to get a bit of bother from caterpillars - the little buggers used to lay their eggs on the branches and that plays havoc with the foliage, blossom and fruit in the spring.

Then I found a cracking way to spike their fun!

I just apply some glue and grease bands to the trunks of the trees - and that sorts them. You can buy ready-to-use glue or grease bands from your local garden centre - and it really does the trick.

I've also been out giving my roses a last once-over - cutting the climbers back and tieing in any growing tips. Finally, after a bit of nagging from the long-suffering I finally got round to lagging my greenhouse. The boss at Rootgrow let me 'borrow' a whole load of bubble wrap and that should save me a bob or two on my heating bills!

Mind you, there ain't no such thing as a free lunch with old Septic Knuckles - he'll probably squeeeze an hour or two extra out of me for the privelege!!

Brrr

2007-11-12T21:54:00.000-08:00

It's certainly turned nippy these last few days - but I always say when the nip is in the air, you've just got to work that bit harder. Mind you, you tell this to the kids today!

I had my brother's youngest Kylie-Dido or whatever her name is with us over the weekend. All tattoos and body piercing - just what is that all about? In my view, the only tattoos you should be able to see on a lady are those you shouldn't be able to see.

Anyway she came down with my brother and due to some happening twixt her and our kid she needed to take her mind off things and offered to help me in the garden. To be honest, I'd got loads to do and could have done without company. But as it happens it didn't matter - she spent the whole afternoon muttering 'whatever' and texting countless similarly work-challenged and tattooed mates.

What is the world coming to?

Anyway, it was another day of battening down the hatches. I decided to cleaning and sharpen my old tools beofre storing them carefully for the winter. I have a very careful routine for looking after my tools. First of all I give them a good clean in warm, soapy water and then dry them thoroughly.

All those with wooden handles get a light rub down with a bit of sand paper beofre sharpening then oiling the blades. I then tend to wrap them up in old horse blankets and whilst it might seem a bit excessive, when I take them out again for the spring, they'll be in perfect nick.

So that was my weekend done - I also put away the hoses after rinsing and checking for leaks. Then it was a good tidy of the borders and a sit down in front of the box with a cup of tea and a slab of the long-suffering's Ginger Cake.

And Kylie-Dido just sat there and chewed gum.

Bring back National service, I say.

What poppycock!!

2007-11-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

Apparently the trendies that seem to dictate how us chaps spend our spare time have a new ruse.

Eating flowers.

I kid you not.

A range of edible plants has been tested by Gardening Which? and those in the know have selected the best for taste as well as beauty to add a splash of colour and new flavour to many dishes.

They reckon that there are more than a hundred plants that have edible flowers and they can be used as garnishes, dried to flavour tea, crystallised to decorate cakes, infused in jars of vinegar, added fresh to salads or made into sauces.

The magazine suggests that if we are bored with proper food we should look to our gardens for inspiration. Part of their hare-brained conclusions include adding roses to our cooking. They were used first in medicines and later as stomach-settlers, mouth-fresheners and various natural remedies. Napoleon is reputed to have given his officers bags of rose petals to boil in white wine as a cure for lead poisoning caused by bullet wounds.

Another nutter claims deep-fried marigold with marrow, plus rose petals in jelly and nasturtiums in salad should also be part of our diet.

Let me just fire this warning shot across your bows.

The first time anybody tries to fob me off with a bunch of flowers for my tea, they get a taste of a Size 9 Timpson up their backside.

What on earth is the world coming too?

Look - it ain't rocket science and it's quite simple really. Vegetables are for eating, fruit is for nibbling - and flowers are for giving to the Long Suffering.

End of story!

At last - some time in my garden!

2007-10-24T11:27:00.003-07:00

The problem with loving your garden is that your enthusiasm isn't always shared by those who you love.

Hence me and the Long Suffering have a sometimes terse approach to what to do in our spare time. Let me tell you, the minute she finds herself with a few hours in hand she's off down the local shops as quick as you like.

Me?

I'd rather have toothache than traipse round the shops.

However, sometimes you just need to bank a few Brownie Points - which is how I came to be spotted whistling a tuneless song in some God-forsaken concrete bunker masquerading as a shopping centre over the last two weeks.

Now, though, having got myself firmly on the side of the righteous, it's time to turn my attention back to my garden - and I've already planned my weekend's tasks.

I'll be mulching my woody plants with around 3 inches of mulch -using the leaves provided by my own trees. So, I've plenty of raking to do this weekend.

Most of my tender plants will start being moved inside - making sure the leaves have been washed off to dislodge unwanted guests.

I then start to empty and store any pots, such as terra cotta or bird baths that might break when water freezes in them.

And then it's really just a quick tidy up. Raking up garden debris is essential to prevent the spread of insects and diseases. In addition to physically carrying away the insect eggs with the gathered debris, depriving insects of winter habits helps to control them. Fallen fruit and rotting vegetables will also get cleared away. Pots will be stacked, and anything that could shelter over-wintering snails will be put away.

Finally, on Sunday afternoon, it will be yet another final cut of the lawn. God knows how many times I've said that - "I must give the lawn a final cut" - only to find another half inch of growth a week later!

Watch your seeds

2007-10-09T01:07:00.001-07:00

As many as 99 per cent of the seeds in packets are dead, according to a report published by the Consumer magazine Which?

The watchdog tested flower and vegetable seeds from 15 suppliers and found that only six companies met industry standards. The worst offender was Edwin Tucker and Sons Ltd with the test results showing that 99 per cent of its delphinium seeds were dead with the other one per cent unhealthy.

Now, obviously there’s is no way of knowing which seeds are healthy until you have planted them, but here’s my tips for minimising the risk:

Only buy your seeds fresh from a supplier you know well

Make sure you keep them out of the sun

Plant a selection of sizes to get a better range of qualities

And, of course, for the best chance of achieving gardening success – use Rootgrow. I keep telling you!

Well even a gardener gets a day or so off you know!

2007-10-07T04:58:00.000-07:00

I had a cracking couple of weeks last month - two weeks with my sister Dolly in Littlehampton where, I have to admit, I did absolutely nothing in the garden. In fact I didn't do an awful lot other than ferry her and the long-suffering backwards and forwards from shops and fancy stately homes and the like. I enjoyed a couple of bottles of ale now and again - but, to be honest, I've had a long old summer and I wanted a break.

The chaps at Rootgrow do work us hard you know – but I have to say that on my return I was looking forward to getting back into work and gardening mode - and then the lurgy struck! So, I've been on extended leave whilst my old bones and body get back to normal.

In the meantime, I've chucked a few shillings at the local kids to keep my old grass under control - and now that I’m back to fitness, I'm looking forward to a few weeks hard graft to prepare the place for what could be a long old winter.So what's on my list of things to do?

Well, I've been planting my spring bulbs - a nice mix of daffs, crocuses and hyacinths will be dug in this week. I'm also looking for my lad to bring me back some nice tulip bulbs after his little jaunt in Amsterdam this week. God knows, what state the bulbs - or he - will be in, but I'll take my chances! And naturally, I'll be using my staff perk - and putting a healthy dollop of Rootgrow in with them. Now, you watch those beauties grow!!

I've been sharpening the pruners too, to start attacking my roses - cutting back old flowering stems and tying in new shoots to the support. I've sown some sweet pea seeds in pots and these will go in my cold frame for the winter.

There's still plenty of goodies left in my garden too - and I'll be digging up more carrots, spuds and leeks for storage. Mind you, I only store the perfect specimens - my golden rule is to never store any produce showing signs of damage or infection.

The long-suffering has got one of those fancy cookbooks by some foreign bloke - and she now wants a load of herbs - so I've had to promise that I'll grow her some for use next year. So, into the greenhouse goes some Basil, Parsley and Oregano. I've told her she can start by using some of that mint and rosemary that's been around for years without her touching it. You can tell that I'm not a fancy food man can't you?

So that little lot will keep me busy for the next week or so.

Hard life isn't it?

A surprise in store

2007-09-10T08:20:00.000-07:00

What a welcome sight it was this weekend. I'd always planned an early start in the garden but I hadn't planned to be welcomed by the old lightbulb in the sky. I don't know about you, but even the most tedious of garden chores seems to be so much more bearable when the sun is shining.

So, I set off with some gusto and boy did I get some work done.

I put out some spring-flowering forget-me-nots and wallflowers - doing it now gives them time to establish themselves before winter. I also planted some border perennials and, of course, the Rootgrow was put to good use. I sometimes look at my neighbour's garden and I can't help but have a little chuckle when I see his stuff barely three quarters the size of mine. I keep telling him it's the old Rootgrow that helps - but he's a Yorkshireman and not too good at opening his wallet. He keeps throwing manure on his garden but he just doesn't measure up to me in the size brigade I can tell you!

I also gave my hedges a final trim before winter - and that's a chore that I can well do without I can tell you. (And here's a free hint - keep your Rootgrow well clear of your hedges, you're just storing up some hard graft for yourself!!).

I also had a good harvest - a few remaining plums that went straight into the kitchen for a fine plum crumble. And I took a few good buckets of fine Kent apples and pears - they'll be put to good use as well I can tell you!

Then I did a bit of work on the long-suffering's roses, nipping off the faded blooms and pruning them back. Finally, I had a good go at the lawn, giving it a smart cut, tidying the edges and repairing a couiple of patches.

And that was my weekend in the garden. And as I sat down to a satisying bottle of my favourite brew late yesterday afternoon I confess to wondering just how many more opportunities I'd have to do that before next year!

Grrrr!!

2007-09-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

I've had flood.

I've had slugs.

All I need now is pestilence and a plague and I think I've had the lot!

The latest irritant for me is the blessed cat from next door. Now, I'm not a great lover I have to admit, I'd much rather have my dog to walk with me rather than some mincing feline. But whilst I might not like cats - they seem to have an attraction to me! More to the point it will persist in using my garden as its litter tray.

Now, the experts will tell you that there are not too many effective ways of deal with this problem. One old local boy who used to suffer terribly tells me that vinegar is a cheap and effective way of scaring the cats because they hate the smell.

So, I tried it this morning - and it worked a treat.

I spotted the cat, crept up behind it - and stotted the beggar with the empty vinegar bottle.

I suspect it could be some time before it returns!

A perfect weekend - ruined!

2007-08-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

I normally like my Bank Holiday weekends. So long as I take the Long Suffering for an hour or so drive to the coast and treat her to some jellied eels, my weekend is my own.

I usually try and use the weekend as my last real big effort in the garden before the summer's gone - to all intents and purposes, summer has had it now and we've another winter to prepare for.

But there's still pleasure to get out of the garden and I was looking forward to a few hours pottering - when I noticed something wasn't quite right.

My lettuces had gone.

Not just the odd leaf on the odd plant - but every single one of the damn things gone.

Eaten by slugs!

Apparently we've been hit with a record number of slugs this year because of all the wet weather we've been having. Well they must have been waiting for me to turn my back - I've had no trouble with them at all until the weekend.

Some bright spark with nothing better to do has counted the slugs this year - and there are 15 billion of the blighters in our gardens this year. But it ain't just the slugs you see that are the problem - they eat twice their body weight every day and lay up to 100 eggs each.

I'm not a fan of slug pellets and I'm no believer in the beer trap either - I can't stand the things, so there's no way I'm going to waste beer on the flippin' things. I favour a couple of tricks to prevent slugs getting at my crops - and I've a couple of real mean killer tricks too! My old dad used to swear that if you surrounded the base of your plants with soot that'll stop them getting at the plant - but with soot a little more difficult to come by I've taken to planting strong smelling plants such as mint and garlic around the place - that spooks them too. Unfortunately I didn't practice what I preach this year and I've paid the consequences.

Mind you, I've got my own back on some of them. My expensive plants have a small ring of copper around the pots or the plant itself - that gives them a nice electric shock; I also sprinkle liberal qualities of All Bran around the place. The slugs love it but it kills them by expanding when they've eaten it!

I'll teach 'em to eat my salad!

What happened then?

2007-08-19T01:57:00.000-07:00

I've been away for a week at my sister Enid's place down in Gloucestershire - I thought I'd take advantage of the summer whilst I could. My boss at Rootgrow reckoned I'd done enough to earn two days off - the cheeky so and so!

Anyway, it was a bit of a busman's holiday and I packed my spade and rake and a few sachets of Rootgrow (a staff perk!) and off we set. Now I knew that the place had some water - but my, it was heartbreaking to see the damage caused by the floods that hit the area last month. In addition to the water damage, the recent few days of summer we've had meant some of the places stunk to high heaven.

Normally at this time of year I'd be making sure that all my plants were well watered. I'd also be dead heading, making sure my canes were all supporting what they should be supporting, doing a bit of pruning and so on. In other words, August should be a time for admiring the fruits of your labours. It's a month for eating freshly baked cakes, drinking a bottle of cold beer and catching on some well earned kip.

But not this year. It was almost a military manoeuvre trying to get Enid's blessed garden looking like a garden rather than the aftermath of a shocking winter. Anyway, I think I managed to do a reasonable job - and hopefully the place will be back to its pristine best again next year.

Back home yesterday and in between showers, I just did a bit of pottering - but next weekend is a holiday weekend and I'm planning on a big blitz I can tell you. I'm looking forward to picking the first of my courgettes - they look lovely and tender - and I've another fantastic crop of plums and raspberries which are destined for the pie dish!

Now I don't know about you but I rather like having a nosey at other people's gardens and I'm usually the first in the queue when a new garden is opened up to the public. But I'll tell you one thing - I'd stay clear of this couple's garden. Apparently they like to garden in the altogether.

That's fine - it's a free country. But they also open their gardens for other nudie people to look at. And do you know what? They get 250/300 people turn up - with no clothes on looking round their garden.

What is this world coming to?

Let me tell you, the first bloke that turns up here with no clothes on asking to look round my potato patch gets a hoe where it hurts and a rake where he wishes he hadn't!

One must have standards you know.

Global warming?

2007-08-09T23:30:00.001-07:00

I was interested in a report on the radio yesterday.

Apparently daffodils have burst into bloom in a Scottish garden seven months earlier than normal, an event, according to the bloke on the radio, that has left horticultural experts dumbfounded.

Apparently, our rotten summer has fooled the flowers into thinking they had just gone through another winter. But "experts confessed they were baffled".

Baffled?

Let me tell you - it isn't rocket science.

You mess around with good old Mother Nature - and you don't know what you're taking on!

So, if these flippin' governments and scientists would just leave things alone we wouldn't have these strange events happening.

But don't get me on my hobby horse!

Summer - at last!

2007-08-07T23:00:00.000-07:00

You just cant beat it can you?

Another month with us but, at last, the flippin' summer has decided to make an appearance. There's nothing like the sun on your back to give you a bit of confidence and the Long Suffering has encouraged me to "spend a bit of time in the garden - whilst you can".

You won't need to ask me twice!

So, here's my little list of jobs for the week.

All the pretty stuff is in full bloom, so I'll be pruning our wisteria and the two apple trees. That'll take me a pleasant couple of hours and I'll work up a thirst for that bottle of cold Spitfire sat waiting for me in the fridge.

Whilst I'm doing that, The Long Suffering usually potters around removing any dead flower heads to make room for new flowers.

Mind you, despite all this wretched rain we've been having, it's important to continue watering the plants and that's usually my last job of an evening - and with the recent weather, I can tell you, I got plenty of the wet stuff! My butts are overflowing if you pardon the expression!

I'll also be doing a spot of remedial work on my tomatoes and will pinch out the tops of the plants - and the runner beans – to increase the yield! Looking at both, we could actually be in for a decent yield - thanks, of course, in no small way, to good old Rootgrow!

Finally, I want to clear a largish patch of my garden to make room for a new enlarged spud patch I want to have in place for next year - and then there's the repair work to the greenhouse and the shed .....

And do you know? I think that little lot will keep me busy this week!

But at least I'll be smiling!

And you thought I was joking?

2007-07-31T23:38:00.001-07:00

I've had a restful week so far.

In fact I've had a smashing week.

Not only have I been able to bask in the glory of my horticultural show successes - I had the photographer from the local paper round today - but the flippin' sun is out!

That's right I've been able to concentrate on some of the more pleasant gardening duties like a bit of mowing, a bit of pruning - and a bit of sitting watching my pride and joy with a glass of Spitfire in my hand!

And I've also been enjoying the fruit of my labours having dug up some more onions and some spuds which went well with a lovely bit of purple sprouting which I thought I'd lost to the rain!

And enjoying my tea whilst sat in the garden last night - for the first time this summer, the Long Suffering brought tea into the garden! - I was browsing through the papers when I came across this little story here.

This gardening business is serious stuff you know!

Quiet satisfaction!

2007-07-29T01:42:00.001-07:00

There's nowt like a feeling of quiet satisfaction is there?

So, the Show is over. And whilst normally I'm not given to boasting - I have to say that I had a pretty good day. I managed to pick up four first prizes and a second (harsh, in my view) and pipped Pete the Plumber and Ron to collect the shield for top overall marks.

I was most pleased with my potatoes - they picked up a first and I really thought my old mucker Ron might have the beating of me there. But no - the judges obvioulsy know class when they see it! And my beetroots? "Classic" said the judges!
My tomatoes were also show winners - as were my onions. And, in fact the only blotch on the day was only picking up a second with my cucumbers - and I'll go to my grave believing that to be a travesty! - and I got nowt for my celery, but I'm not bothered about that.

So, it was a pleasing afternon and I won the raffle to boot - four 75g packets of flippin' Rootgrow which I'd donated!! The Long Suffering also did well with her Bakewell Tart picking up a first prize, together with some knitted thing and a photo of a balloon!

So, last night we sat in front of the fire (yes, I know - in July!!) and watched Casualty with a plate of Bakewell Tart and a bottle of Speckled Hen.

Bliss!

Big day today!!

2007-07-28T05:07:00.000-07:00

Forget the Cup Final. Forget the Ashes. Forget the Queens Birthday!

Today is the big day!

It's our local Horticultural Society Summer Show today - and if you think competitive spirit is restricted to the sporting arena then think again!

Of course, as I'm considered something of a Garden Expert, the pressure is on me a bit and I have to admit, between you and I, it's got to me this year.

The problem is, all this flippin' weather we've been having has played havoc with my plans - and there's a couple of people in the village who seem to be revelling in my discomfort! It's got a bit tetchy this year with one or two things being said that maybe shouldn't be said. I've even taken to checking the greenhouse before going to bed - well you never know do you?

Mind you, come half past three this afternoon, when the judges have made their decisions we'll all be back to being good friends again. But until 3.30 I ain't speaking to them - they're not speaking to me. There's an element of jealousy in all this though. You see, just cos I work for Rootgrow, one or two of them seem to think I have a bit of an advantage - you know, like I'm cheating or something. Mind you there's hardly a murmur out of them when I'm at the AGM with free samples of Rootgrow to hand out - they're OK and best buddies then!

I did have a sneaky look at Ron's beetroots - he's not a chance! Mine are like footballs! And as for his cucumbers - his are like pea pods compared to mine! And I know I've got the beating of his plum tomatoes. But I have to hold me hands up - he had a nice plate of spuds when I popped down to the Village Hall this morning to set up. His celery looks neat too - but I've always though of celery as being a bit of a non veg - can't bear the stuff!

Pete the Plumber had also made an effort too and I think he could be favourite in a couple of categories. And my mate Burkey's missus won't be happy till she's picked up a clutch of awards. She's not what I call a proper gardener mind - but she does enter stuff in all the categories going including jams, cakes, knitting and all them other women categories.

Not that I'm against the women taking part though - me and the Long Suffering are a good team when it comes to the Summer Shows. I grow 'em and she cleans them up for me to plate up!

But right now I'm a touch on edge - and I will be for the next couple of hours!

I'll be back tomorrow and let you know how I get on!

Shifting this and shifting that .....

2007-07-25T00:22:00.000-07:00

It was a very pleasant evening in the Garden of England last night. I was preparing some of my entries for the local horticultural show and you know when you start what should be a little job and it grows and grows? Well, I was doing OK until the Long Suffering made some comment about not liking the Nandina Domestica being next to the blackcurrants we have growing.

Not a problem I thought - I'll just lift it out and move it to wherever she feels best - after all, who am I to argue?

It's always a bit of a nerve wracking job moving well established plants but I've got my magic stuff to help me! Our Rootgrow is brilliant for this - and I know from the work we've done in the glasshouses at work just how effective it can be. (Course it helps that my boss lets me have a few sample packs).

Rootgrow is a natural, eco-friendly, five hundred million year old friendly fungi called mycorrhizal fungi.

So, if a large plant is dug up the roots are obviously damaged. But in a matter of weeks the mycorrhizal fungi colonise those damaged points (effectively sealing them) and help to prevent other nasties from getting a foothold.

Rootgrow adds a secondary living fungal root which will establish much faster than the plants own roots. And this enables the plant to find nutrients and hold onto water in the critical first few months of establishing in its new home.

Mind you, once she saw how easy the job of shifting one plant was - I was out there till almost 9 o'clock moving this and moving that.

By the time I'd washed and poured myself a glass I'd damn near missed the start of Newsnight!

Sometimes I wonder what the world is coming too

2007-07-24T09:35:00.000-07:00

Now, if you're like me, you'll be a simple, uncomplicated kind of person. You'll know what you want, what you like, what you don't like and what gets up your goat.

And what gets up my goat is when people try to make out that gardening is the new Middle Class black!

All you need to make your mark in this world as a gardener is a small piece of land, a spade, a sturdy back and, at the risk of upsetting a few people, a good lady to bring out the odd cup of tea and piece of cake.

Well I suppose there is one more thing us chaps like - and that's a shed. Now the shed ain't just for the old tins of paint, Maxwell House Coffee jars full of screws and the gardening gear - it's also a bit of a sanctuary. I quite often retire to my shed when the Long Suffering starts to give me grief about something I should (or shouldn't) have done.

Now I accept that, like the motor car, the shed is very bloke oriented. But unlike the motor car, us chaps don't spend hours and hours discussing the make, model, size, colour and spec. of our shed. Our shed is .. well it's just a shed isn't it?

Isn't it?

And it's certainly not top of my list to think about buying another one when I'm doing the old gardening budget - my shed will remain where it is until it falls to bits!

So what on earth would possess somebody to so love a shed so much they'd spend upwards of £10,000 on the flippin' thing? Well if you believe what these chaps have done you'll believe anything.

£10,000 on a shed!!

Give me strength!

Listen - if you've got £10,000 to spare, my advice is to pop down to your local DIY store and save yourself £9,900 - and buy yourself a small Eastern European country instead.

Silly beggars!

Garden of England survives!

2007-07-23T01:31:00.000-07:00

Being located in the Garden of England we often boast some the best weather in the country - and whilst the rest of the country was seemingly disappearing under a sea of rainwater, myself and the Long Suffering enjoyed a sunny day in the garden. Mind you such days have been as rare as rocking horse droppings of late - but we did have a cracking day yesterday and I managed to catch up with some long overdue weeding. I also collected a tray or two of cherry plums from our tree - the poor thing was almost bent double with the amount of fruit on its branches and I swear I heard it sigh with relief when I'd harvested the crop.

So, it was a nice portion of plum crumble with Sunday tea! What's more, with our Horticultural Society's Summer Show coming up on Saturday, the Long Suffering should be odds-on for the Plum Jam prize!

A day in the gaden is never enough though is it? I could have done with another six or seven hours today - but work calls and I've a week working with my friendly fungi to look forward to.

My job at Rootgrow involves working with mycorrhizal fungi - "what?" I hear you say. Well I shall explain.

Having co-evolved with plants and trees for over 500 million years, mycorrhizal fungi are widespread throughout nature and are a fundamental reason for normal plant growth and development.

Such fungi colonise plant or tree roots, extending the root system into the surrounding soil, via an extensive network of fungal filaments (up to 20 metres in a teaspoon of soil). These thread-like filaments extract nutrients and water from a large soil volume and exchange them for carbon from the plant. This secondary root system, when established, links the root systems of adjacent plants or trees and helps share, more efficiently, nutrient resources throughout the plant community.

You don't have to chang your garden methods to introduce mycorrhizal fungi - a simple application of Rootgrow to the roots of plants at planting time will suffice.

It is now recognised that the lack of the mycorrhizal relationship is a major cause of poor plant and tree establishment, and weak growth in a variety of agricultural, urban and suburban landscapes, and gardens.

So, for that perfect garden, take a look at Rootgrow.

There. That should get me an extra fiver in my Christmas bonus!

Where's Noah when you need him?

2007-07-22T03:53:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you but it hasn't escaped my attention that the weather has been a tad on the damp side of late. I've been more than occupied trying to limit the damage to my pride and joy - but there are times when I've been almost driven to despair.

It's not just the hours and hours of work that is draining away before our eyes, it's the long term damage to some beautiful and well-established gardens that upsets me. More to the point, it's our local Summer Show this weekend and the way things are going I'll be entering stuff in the water features section!

The Long Suffering remains convinced it's all part of Tony Blair's legacy to the country - and she has a point. It's rained every flippin' day since Gordon Brown took his place at the helm!

But to be fair to the boy he has got his numpties at the Environment Agency to provide some practical advice to help alleviate flood damage in gardens.

Which is fair enough - but its tipping it down again and I can't even get into the garden to start alleviating!

Now, where did I put my Ark?

Chelsea success

2007-07-21T07:39:00.000-07:00

I had a wonderful Chelsea this year.

The Long Suffering also enjoys Chelsea too - cos it's the one time of year she can be sure I'll not be under her feet. Like royalty I'm taken to Chelsea with my own driver - not in a flashy Daimler, mind you, but crammed in the back of the firm's Transit balancing packets of flippin' Rootgrow, seeds, cuttings, pots and all the other paraphernalia that we'll need for the show.

Although we don't actually exhibit at the show, our influence is certainly there.

We were particularly pleased for our friends at Hillier Garden Centres, whose team picked up a record 62nd consecutive Gold Medal - an achievement that earned them a place in the Guinness Book of World Records.

This year, their Chelsea exhibit highlighted the benefit of micro organisms in the soil to plant health and drew comparisons with the benefits of micro organisms in the human digestive system.

As trees are usually the most important structural plants in any garden their successful establishment and root development is key to their success. It is appropriate therefore to highlight the importance of what goes on below the ground to the more visible part of the plant in the garden landscape. Friendly fungi are available to the amateur gardener in the form of Rootgrow - a granular formulation of mycorrhizal fungi which is added to the planting hole to put them in direct contact with the roots.

The plant roots then develop in association with the fungi to aid establishment of the plant and overcome problems associated with replanting.

What else took my fancy this year? Well like most of you I was glad there was barely a piece of decking in sight - it really is about time we started to focus our energies on reclaiming the humble garden for what it was intended to be - a place to appreciate beuatiful flowers, grow tasty fruit and veg and a place to have a snooze after lunch! Indeed I was pleased to see the BBC reporting the other day about the loss of the front garden - but what can be done?

I was also glad to see a reduction in the number of so-called water features - another blessed curse on the garden. The constant drip and dribble of water through the mouth of a whale or some other inappropriate model is another thing to get me ranting! If you want a water feature in your garden - I suggest you look outside your kitchen window now - enough blessed rain to last us a lifetime!

Next door's roses

2007-06-11T01:30:00.000-07:00

I live next door to some lovely people.

Lovely people - but, how shall we say ... not blessed with the greenest of fingers!

But even I had to feel sorry for them when they decided to plant some new roses. They simply couldn't understand why they were having problems. Fortunately I know that the lady of the house bakes rather fine Chocolate cake - so with this in mind I offered to help!

I quickly worked out the problem - we call it rose replant syndrome. RRS is found when new roses are planted into soil that has supported other roses previously. In the old days some gardeners used a chemical called Armillatox but this is now banned for use with plants because they tend to get rid of all the living organisms from the soil.

The other alternative is large scale soil removal and replacement - but that's a bit too much hard work for an old 'un like me. So I find the most economic - and easiest! - option is to treat the new plants with my good old Friendly Fungi. Using Rootgrow I can confidently predict that the roses will soon be prospering. The fungi act like a buffer between the plant and the soil and help the roses ability to tolerate attack.

I'll let you know how they get on.

Oh and the cake was up to scratch - only managed the two pieces though

Water, water everywhere .....

2007-06-11T01:26:00.000-07:00

Those of us who live in the Garden of England sometimes worry for the future of the traditional English Garden.

The weather experts tell us that we are suffering from one of the driest years on record. Rather worryingly, if this trend continues, 2007 could prove to be a tricky one for gardeners and they are warning that many thousands of pounds may be lost by buying plants that go on to die due to a lack of water.

Many of us have also had to work without the benefit of using hose pipes and the traditional way of using high inputs of water and chemical fertiliser simply will not work since the nutrients do not have water in which to move in the soil towards the roots of the plant.

Thankfully, Mother Nature does have a solution. Which, if you think about it stands to reason - after all how do plants grow quite happily in deserts? Methinks we can learn something from studying plants in those environments.

Our boffins at Rootgrow have carried out studies into survival mechanisms and one of the most important is an entire group of friendly fungi called mycorrhizal fungi that live on the roots of virtually every plant on the planet.There is now much scientific evidence to support the fact that mycorrhizal fungi can provide a reliable natural mechanism for plants to enhance drought tolerance. Plants shown to benefit include tomatoes, roses, corn, ornamental flowers and trees.

In reduced water conditions these fungi enable the plants to function for longer and extract the maximum amount of water remaining in the soil. The fungi exude a sticky glue-like substance in the soil which hosts many beneficial bacteria as well as building the soil structure and keeping it close to the plant roots - which is important for nutrient uptake.

The benefits to the plant of its friendly fungal partner actually increases as the drought conditions get more severe. These fungi are symbiotic organisms and can not survive without a host plant. Therefore it is in the fungi’s ‘interest’ to keep its host plant alive at any cost.

So there you have it - Rootgrow is the natural solution for hosepipe bans!

What's happening to summer?

2007-06-11T01:23:00.000-07:00

It's only a week ago that I was forced to stop my pottering every 20 minutes or so, to take a break. With temperatures comfortably in the 70's I found myslef struggling to keep the momentum going. Not that I was complaining of course - whilst you'll find me in the garden most days, I have to confess that I love to work with the sun on my back!

On Friday though, I was in the Rootgrow garden to do some more planting, some potting up, some tidying up ... and to check up on the temperatures in the glasshouses we use for research. Unfortunately I drew the short straw and was tasked with moving plants from a neighbouring glasshouse which neccessitated a short 25 yard walk outside - and my, what a change in the weather.

Howling wind, cold, driving rain - is this the same country that was basking in Mediteranean temperatures just a few short days ago?

Yesterday though the flippin weather changed again and it was back to sizzling seventies again! I managed to catch up on some planted and I put down some onions and peas. Naturally, I added some of my employer's friendly fungi to each hole and dug it into the soil before I planted them. It's a delight too to see the benefits of what Rootgrow can do to your pride and joy though - but to make sure we can continue to make the claims we do, we always plant what the clever people call a 'Control'. This involves splitting our planting into two - one lot receive the Rootgrow treatment and the other is left to its own devices. The differences can be truly amazing!

Mind you, these scientists still need a little bit of help and I made sure after I planted that each plant had a brassica collar around it to try and stop the nasty creepy crawlies from laying eggs around the stem and then I covered the lot with a fine grade mesh to keep the butterflies out.

I'll let you know how we get on!

My favourite time of year!

2007-06-11T01:15:00.000-07:00

I love May.

Not just because I can actually work my garden with the chance of some sun on my back. And not just because of the pleasure I get from seeing the first of my perennials emerging. Or beacuse my hectic spring-time planting programme is in full swing.

No - it's because if it's May, it must be Chelsea!

I refer not, of course, to the under-achieving team of footballing mercenaries in West London but to the Chelsea Flower Show which I attended with my bosses from Rootgrow - I think they see it as a little perk for me! In fact, I have to be honest, I spend the whole of the February, March and April getting ready for it - and I love it! I suppose it's because I feel at home - people are generally very friendly, very knowledgeable - and they seem to enjoy my company too!

But, do you know, I actually find the Chelsea experience very similar to watching my favourite football team. In much the same way as an old fashioned and rather cumbersome Centre Half can sit and admire the silky skills of the multi-talented footballing superstars of Manchester United or Arsenal, I can, as a self-confessed hard-working, but practical gardener, stand back and admire the fabulous creations presnted to us at Chelsea each year.

And, of course, whilst I could probably never dream of matching those creations - I can, at least dream.

I'll bring you some nice photos that I took - just as soon as the much-beloved gets them back from Boots!

What is the world coming to?

2007-06-11T01:14:00.000-07:00

I've a confession to make.

I'm no spring chicken!

In fact, your Garden Expert is probably closer to the Victor Meldrew generation than the Ant and Dec generation and the 'Long Suffering' is always chastising me about my 'What on earth is the world coming to?' protestations.

However even she almost choked on her Shredded Wheat this morning when she opened the newspaper to see a story about members of the public being asked to water a city's trees!

I kid you not!

The residents of that fine city of Derby are indeed being asked to help ensure that newly-planted trees survice - by regularly watering them.

And the reason?

Well, according to the chap from the council "The more money we spend on watering then the less we have to spend on planting trees so if the community are able to assist us in getting these young trees established, that means we can continue with the tree-planting programme," he said.

Oh.

Well that's all right then.

What next?

Feed your local schoolchildren so that we can spend more on books?