Gnome sweet gnome

This flippin' awful weather is a real pain for somebody who likes to be out and about pottering.

So, I've taken the opportunity to do some gnome scrubbing this week. I've got a small collection of garden gnomes – not those horrid £4.99 plastic affairs but the proper article.

I also started reading a bit about them.

Did you know that the first appearance of a gnome in this country was in about 1840?

According to local myths gnomes are very lucky. It is documented in the 1870s that manufacture began on a large scale. Apparently they are meant to help around the house and garden, and in more isolated areas were meant to guard over produce and livestock.

Eventually, the European gnome creators became experts and masters of their work. During its most popular period a gnome factory in Griebel, Germany produced over 300 different characters.

The first gnomes were always characterised as gardeners carrying out daily country tasks, but this grew to fishermen, sportsmen, musicians and many more. Then they started to model ones from people still living out of clay or stoneware.

By the way, if you're thinking of selling your home, a study has concluded that a gnome in your front garden would lower the price of your house.

But who cares? They're happy. I'm happy - and she who must be obeyed is happy.

A cold 'un!

By the left it's nippy out there!!

I've just come back in from a little session and I can hardly feel my fingers.

With winter well and truly on its way - another frost this morning, I decided to sort out a couple of fruit trees in the garden. You see I used to get a bit of bother from caterpillars - the little buggers used to lay their eggs on the branches and that plays havoc with the foliage, blossom and fruit in the spring.

Then I found a cracking way to spike their fun!

I just apply some glue and grease bands to the trunks of the trees - and that sorts them. You can buy ready-to-use glue or grease bands from your local garden centre - and it really does the trick.

I've also been out giving my roses a last once-over - cutting the climbers back and tieing in any growing tips. Finally, after a bit of nagging from the long-suffering I finally got round to lagging my greenhouse. The boss at Rootgrow let me 'borrow' a whole load of bubble wrap and that should save me a bob or two on my heating bills!

Mind you, there ain't no such thing as a free lunch with old Septic Knuckles - he'll probably squeeeze an hour or two extra out of me for the privelege!!

Brrr

It's certainly turned nippy these last few days - but I always say when the nip is in the air, you've just got to work that bit harder. Mind you, you tell this to the kids today!

I had my brother's youngest Kylie-Dido or whatever her name is with us over the weekend. All tattoos and body piercing - just what is that all about? In my view, the only tattoos you should be able to see on a lady are those you shouldn't be able to see.

Anyway she came down with my brother and due to some happening twixt her and our kid she needed to take her mind off things and offered to help me in the garden. To be honest, I'd got loads to do and could have done without company. But as it happens it didn't matter - she spent the whole afternoon muttering 'whatever' and texting countless similarly work-challenged and tattooed mates.

What is the world coming to?

Anyway, it was another day of battening down the hatches. I decided to cleaning and sharpen my old tools beofre storing them carefully for the winter. I have a very careful routine for looking after my tools. First of all I give them a good clean in warm, soapy water and then dry them thoroughly.

All those with wooden handles get a light rub down with a bit of sand paper beofre sharpening then oiling the blades. I then tend to wrap them up in old horse blankets and whilst it might seem a bit excessive, when I take them out again for the spring, they'll be in perfect nick.

So that was my weekend done - I also put away the hoses after rinsing and checking for leaks. Then it was a good tidy of the borders and a sit down in front of the box with a cup of tea and a slab of the long-suffering's Ginger Cake.

And Kylie-Dido just sat there and chewed gum.

Bring back National service, I say.

What poppycock!!

Apparently the trendies that seem to dictate how us chaps spend our spare time have a new ruse.

Eating flowers.

I kid you not.

A range of edible plants has been tested by Gardening Which? and those in the know have selected the best for taste as well as beauty to add a splash of colour and new flavour to many dishes.

They reckon that there are more than a hundred plants that have edible flowers and they can be used as garnishes, dried to flavour tea, crystallised to decorate cakes, infused in jars of vinegar, added fresh to salads or made into sauces.

The magazine suggests that if we are bored with proper food we should look to our gardens for inspiration. Part of their hare-brained conclusions include adding roses to our cooking. They were used first in medicines and later as stomach-settlers, mouth-fresheners and various natural remedies. Napoleon is reputed to have given his officers bags of rose petals to boil in white wine as a cure for lead poisoning caused by bullet wounds.

Another nutter claims deep-fried marigold with marrow, plus rose petals in jelly and nasturtiums in salad should also be part of our diet.

Let me just fire this warning shot across your bows.

The first time anybody tries to fob me off with a bunch of flowers for my tea, they get a taste of a Size 9 Timpson up their backside.

What on earth is the world coming too?

Look - it ain't rocket science and it's quite simple really. Vegetables are for eating, fruit is for nibbling - and flowers are for giving to the Long Suffering.

End of story!

At last - some time in my garden!

The problem with loving your garden is that your enthusiasm isn't always shared by those who you love.

Hence me and the Long Suffering have a sometimes terse approach to what to do in our spare time. Let me tell you, the minute she finds herself with a few hours in hand she's off down the local shops as quick as you like.

Me?

I'd rather have toothache than traipse round the shops.

However, sometimes you just need to bank a few Brownie Points - which is how I came to be spotted whistling a tuneless song in some God-forsaken concrete bunker masquerading as a shopping centre over the last two weeks.

Now, though, having got myself firmly on the side of the righteous, it's time to turn my attention back to my garden - and I've already planned my weekend's tasks.

I'll be mulching my woody plants with around 3 inches of mulch -using the leaves provided by my own trees. So, I've plenty of raking to do this weekend.

Most of my tender plants will start being moved inside - making sure the leaves have been washed off to dislodge unwanted guests.

I then start to empty and store any pots, such as terra cotta or bird baths that might break when water freezes in them.

And then it's really just a quick tidy up. Raking up garden debris is essential to prevent the spread of insects and diseases. In addition to physically carrying away the insect eggs with the gathered debris, depriving insects of winter habits helps to control them. Fallen fruit and rotting vegetables will also get cleared away. Pots will be stacked, and anything that could shelter over-wintering snails will be put away.

Finally, on Sunday afternoon, it will be yet another final cut of the lawn. God knows how many times I've said that - "I must give the lawn a final cut" - only to find another half inch of growth a week later!

Watch your seeds

As many as 99 per cent of the seeds in packets are dead, according to a report published by the Consumer magazine Which?

The watchdog tested flower and vegetable seeds from 15 suppliers and found that only six companies met industry standards. The worst offender was Edwin Tucker and Sons Ltd with the test results showing that 99 per cent of its delphinium seeds were dead with the other one per cent unhealthy.

Now, obviously there’s is no way of knowing which seeds are healthy until you have planted them, but here’s my tips for minimising the risk:

Only buy your seeds fresh from a supplier you know well

Make sure you keep them out of the sun

Plant a selection of sizes to get a better range of qualities

And, of course, for the best chance of achieving gardening success – use Rootgrow. I keep telling you!

Well even a gardener gets a day or so off you know!

I had a cracking couple of weeks last month - two weeks with my sister Dolly in Littlehampton where, I have to admit, I did absolutely nothing in the garden. In fact I didn't do an awful lot other than ferry her and the long-suffering backwards and forwards from shops and fancy stately homes and the like. I enjoyed a couple of bottles of ale now and again - but, to be honest, I've had a long old summer and I wanted a break.

The chaps at Rootgrow do work us hard you know – but I have to say that on my return I was looking forward to getting back into work and gardening mode - and then the lurgy struck! So, I've been on extended leave whilst my old bones and body get back to normal.

In the meantime, I've chucked a few shillings at the local kids to keep my old grass under control - and now that I’m back to fitness, I'm looking forward to a few weeks hard graft to prepare the place for what could be a long old winter.So what's on my list of things to do?

Well, I've been planting my spring bulbs - a nice mix of daffs, crocuses and hyacinths will be dug in this week. I'm also looking for my lad to bring me back some nice tulip bulbs after his little jaunt in Amsterdam this week. God knows, what state the bulbs - or he - will be in, but I'll take my chances! And naturally, I'll be using my staff perk - and putting a healthy dollop of Rootgrow in with them. Now, you watch those beauties grow!!

I've been sharpening the pruners too, to start attacking my roses - cutting back old flowering stems and tying in new shoots to the support. I've sown some sweet pea seeds in pots and these will go in my cold frame for the winter.

There's still plenty of goodies left in my garden too - and I'll be digging up more carrots, spuds and leeks for storage. Mind you, I only store the perfect specimens - my golden rule is to never store any produce showing signs of damage or infection.

The long-suffering has got one of those fancy cookbooks by some foreign bloke - and she now wants a load of herbs - so I've had to promise that I'll grow her some for use next year. So, into the greenhouse goes some Basil, Parsley and Oregano. I've told her she can start by using some of that mint and rosemary that's been around for years without her touching it. You can tell that I'm not a fancy food man can't you?

So that little lot will keep me busy for the next week or so.

Hard life isn't it?